With or Without You
by KimVaughan
Summary: What happens after Aaron Livesy admits that he's in love with Robert Sugden. RATED T for now but may change at a later date.
1. Chapter 1

I hope you enjoy this story. I love these two guys so I wanted to write a fanfic about the way I wanted their relationship to go.

I do not own anything Emmerdale, Aaron Livesy or Robert Sugden.

**With or Without You**

**Chapter 1**

He was standing outside with tears in both eyes. Why did he care so much? Why did this one man have such a strong hold on him?

He knew he was behind him before he heard him speak. But the second he heard his voice, he went weak in the knees and fell to the ground.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked as he also went down on his knees behind him. "Did you hear me Aaron?"

"Yes, I heard you Robert. You want to know what is wrong with me. Fine, I'll tell you what is wrong with me. I'm falling in love with a man who belongs with someone else and there's nothing I can do about it."

Aaron stood up and started to walk away from Robert. But Robert reached out, grabbing his arm and pulled him back towards his body.

"Please don't leave. I'm doing the best I can Aaron. I don't know what else I can do."

"It's not your fault I fell in love with man who isn't really available. I knew the first time we kissed that you were engaged to Chrissie. I have to deal with my feelings for you."

"This is hard on me too Aaron. Do you think that I don't have feelings for you? I find myself waiting for a brief glimpse of your beautiful blue eyes staring back at me. It almost killed me to make Katie and everybody else in the Woolpack think that I had said some homophobic remark to because that is the furthest thing from my mind.

"I wanted to tell each and every one of them that you were my secret lover, not Alicia. I wanted to walk up to you, pull you into my arms and drag you upstairs and make made passionate love to you, making you scream out in desire so everybody would know what we were doing."

"Chrissie would have surely found out about us if you did that." Aaron moaned when Robert lowered his mouth and left his mark on the sexy young mechanic's neck.

"Aaron, I have an appointment to get to but can we get together tonight? I can rent us a hotel suite and use the excuse that I need to stay in Hotten overnight. I need to spend all night in your arms."

"Ok. Text me with the info and I'll be there." Aaron reached behind him, covering the bulge in Robert's jeans. "I can't wait to fall asleep with you buried deep inside me and lay like that all night long."

"I know what you mean. I'll see you tonight." Robert leaned down and kissed Aaron's neck in the same spot again. "By the way, you may want to cover up that big old hickey if you don't want any questions being asked. Later lover." Aaron heard Robert walk away. He looked over his shoulder just in time to see him driving away in the blue Austin Healey that Chrissie had given him as a wedding present.

"I am such a fool to fall in love with an unavailable man. He's going to get married to Chrissie and he's going to string me along like his dirty little secret." And now I am talking to myself, Aaron thought to himself.

When he made it back to work, he went into the men's bog and looked at his neck. Sure enough, Robert had left his mark on him and it was about the size of a small goose egg.


	2. Chapter 2

I hope you Aaron/Robert fans enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for all the reviews.

**With or Without You**

**Chapter 2**

He was sitting at the table minding his own business when his best mate walked into the room.

"Who is he? And how long were you going to keep him a secret?" Aaron looked up at Adam Barton as he joined him at the table, picking up Aaron's teacup and taking a drink of the dark brew. "Come on mate. I told you everything that happened between Vic and me."

"Mate, that mean I wanted to hear it. You do realize she was my first, don't you?" Aaron could see by the reaction on his mates face that he obviously had no clue that Aaron had slept with Victoria Sugden when he had first come back to the village.

"You've slept with Vic?"

"I'm sorry mate. I thought you knew."

"How could I possibly know that you slept with my girlfriend before?"

Aaron stood up and put his dishes in the sink before heading out the door, with Adam following.

"Don't think that you can change the subject just by telling me about you and Victoria sleeping together. You **will** tell me later whom you are sleeping with. Is that understood Mr. Livesy?"

"Did my mum put you up to this inquisition?"

"No."

"Then how do you know I'm seeing anybody Mr. Barton?"

"You're mum's make up doesn't do a very good job covering up that giant purple hickey on your neck. And if he's sucking on your neck, I can imagine he's probably sucking on something else." Adam saw how uncomfortable his line of talk was making his mate so he decided to do one.

"I am not going to discuss gay sex with you man. Just because you were the first dude I ever tried to kiss, don't give you rights. I gotta get to work, so do one."

"Talk to you later man."

"Later man." Just as Adam was walking away, Aaron's phone chimed, signaling he was receiving a text message.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pulled up the text that he knew already was from Robert. 'Hello there sexy blue eyes. I can't wait until tonight. I'm going to ravish your body all night long.' Aaron almost melted right where he was standing.

He sent this message back to his gorgeous blonde haired lover. 'Maybe I'll ravish your body tonight. I'm going to do things to you that are going to make you melt into a puddle. Xxxooo'

Then he decided to send him another message to remind him of something very important. 'And by the way, no matter where you go Loverboy, keep your phone in your pocket because you would never be able to explain away these texts if some nosey ex-girlfriend gets ahold of your phone. Later lover.'

Aaron laid his phone down on the counter and proceeded to crawl underneath the car he had to have fixed by this evening so he could leave for Hotten to be with Robert.

He was so into fixing the car he was under and listening to the newest song released from the band One Direction, that he didn't hear his phone ringing.

But someone who did hear the ringing phone was standing there in the garage. She picked up the phone but before she could say hello and let the other person know that Aaron was busy, he started talking in her ear.

"Hey sexy. I was going to text you but I needed to hear your voice. It gets me hard every time I hear it. I almost had a flaw in our plan. When I told her that I was going into Hotten and would probably be the spending the night, she wanted to go with me. Then my Luck changed, if you know what I mean. He walked into the room complaining of a fever. So she's staying home with him. I'll see you tonight but before you hang up, can you just say my name. I need to hear your voice." She hung up immediately without saying anything and placed the phone back where it was.

She stepped to the doorway and pretended like she had just walked into the room. "Hey Aaron."

He slid out from underneath the car and stood up. "What's up?"

"Adam wanted to know if you felt like going into Hotten tonight for a guy's night out?"

"I can't Vic. I met this bloke at Bar West a few weeks ago and he asked me out. So I'm meeting him in Hotten."

"Okay. See you later." Then she was gone. Aaron was wondering why Vic was acting so strange.

Just then, his phone rang. He answered it on the second ring. "Hey babe. What's up?"

"Why did you hang up on me?"

"I didn't hang up on you."

"Yes you did. I asked you to say my name and you hung up on me."

"I haven't talked to you since last night and that was in person."

"Aaron, check your phone. I just called you and did all the talking. Then before I hung up, I asked you to say my name because I said your sexy voice made me hard."

"Robert, I have been underneath a car for the last forty minutes, at least. This is the first time I've talked on my phone today. I've texted you but I haven't talked to you."

"Oh shit. I think someone answered your phone when I called. Who's been in the garage with you?"

"Only one person today because Debs is visiting Caine and Dan is at home sick. Ross is on a call out. I'm alone."

"But you weren't alone. Who was with you?"

"You're sister."

"Oh shit."

"Is that all you're going to say? Your sister knows about us."

"I don't think so. I never identified myself. I talked Llaclyn but I called by his nickname, Lucky."

"Then maybe we're okay. Mate, I've been hounding by Adam about the hickey. We don't need your sister finding out."

"Okay. See you tonight."

"Okay, Loverboy."


	3. Chapter 3

**With or Without You**

**Chapter 3**

Robert was standing at the check in desk waiting for his key card when he heard a voice that sent chills down his spine and not in a good way.

"What in the world are you doing here big brother?" Victoria asked in her annoying, little sister tone.

He turned around to find Victoria and Adam standing side by side. "Hello Vic. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to spend the night with my boyfriend. Is Chrissie here too?" she asked.

"No. I had business meeting and it ran over so I decided to stay the night instead of driving back so late."

"Robert, I may night be the smartest girl in the world but even I know that is a lie. You are here with somebody, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not. Please don't go spouting the same BS that Katie and Chaz were in the Woolpack. I have already been accused of sleeping with Alicia and I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't tell anybody that you think I'm cheating because I would never let another woman come between Chrissie and I."

"Okay, Robert. We believe you. Come on Victoria. Let's check into our room and leave your brother to whatever he's doing. We'll see you later Robert."

"Thanks Adam."

"You're welcome. Come on babe. Let's get checked in." Robert was grateful that Adam was there for him. he just hoped that they would be out of the lobby by the time Aaron made it there so they wouldn't see him.

Aaron looked all around him making sure nobody he knew would see him walking into the Hotten Hotel where he was meeting Robert for the night. At the thought of spending an entire night in his lover's arms made him weak in the knees.

He made his way into the lobby of the hotel, looking for Robert. He was looking around the room when he received a text message.

It was from Robert, 'Turn around sexy blue eyes'. Aaron turned around and there sitting in the bar was his gorgeous lover.

He walked into the bar and joined Robert on one of the stools. "Hello there Mr. Sugden."

"Hello Mr. Livesy. What would you like to drink?" Robert asked as he motioned for the bartender to come over.

"I guess I'll take a beer." As soon as the bartender walked away, Aaron turned to Robert. "what are we doing Robert?"

"We're having a drink together just in case my sister and your mate are still loidering about waiting to see who I'm having an affair with."

"Adam and Victoria are here tonight?" Aaron asked, knowing of course that they would be at the same hotel as he and Robert were going to be at.

"You know they are. After all, it was my nosy sister that answered your phone when I called you today. She's knows I'm not meeting a woman here."

"What if she says something Robert? I don't want to lose us but I also don't want the entire village to find out what you've done."

Robert reached out to take Aaron's hand beneath the bar so nobody could see them holding hands. "Don't worry about me Aaron. I'm a grown man. I knew going into this relationship that what I was doing to Chrissie was wrong but I just can't stop wanting you."

"I know how you feel. Robert, you are my only addiction. I don't know if I'll survive if I have to quit you."

"I just don't want you to start back doing that." Robert glanced down at Aaron's stomach and Aaron knew what he meant. "I don't ever want to be the reason or the cause for you to hurt yourself. I wouldn't survive if I found out you were doing that again because of our relationship."

"Robert, do you realize that you've call what we have a relationship twice now instead of an affair. When we first started this, you referred to me as your little grease monkey and what we have as an affair. Now I'm your sexy blue eyes and this is a relationship."

"If you want to get laid tonight Mr. Sexy Blue Eyes, I would stop making fun of me." Robert covered Aaron's thigh and caressed it all the way up to his groin.

"This is not the place for that Mr. Sugden. Why don't we go up to our room?" Aaron finished off his beer as Robert tossed the money for their drinks on the bar and turned to walk away.

They rode the elevator up to their floor in complete silence. They were both afraid that if they spoke to each other, they would have ripped each other's clothes off right there in the elevator.

When they were finally stepping off the elevator, they tried to avoid touching each other for the same reason.

As Robert walked up to the door to unlock it with the key card, Aaron moved up behind him and started caressing his back. "Have I ever told you how sexy I think you look in your suits?" Aaron ran his hands down Robert's back and stopped on his ass. "and you an amazing ass.


	4. Chapter 4

**With or Without You**

**Chapter 4**

"What the hell, Victoria!" Robert said as he turned to face his young lover and so he could hide his obvious hard on from his sister and her boyfriend.

"That's what I would like to know Robert. How long have you and Aaron been doing this?"

"Doing what sis? Walk into my hotel suite and catch my sister and her boyfriend sitting on my loveseat?"

"No. how long have you and him been going to hotel suites together?"

"This is the first time we've ever gone to a hotel suite. How did you get into my room by the way?"

"I had Adam pretend to be your boyfriend so he could ask the desk clerk for a key card to your room."

"Adam Barton, you are so whipped." Aaron said as he walked around his boyfriend and went straight to the mini fridge, getting a beer out for him and Robert. He walked back over and handed him his beer.

"Like you have room to talk Aaron. You're just as whipped as your mate." Robert said before taking a swig from his beer.

"Okay. I may be whipped but I would never do to her what she had him do to you." Aaron said, hoping that made as much since to them as it had in his head.

"Of course you wouldn't mate. You couldn't show an interest in Vic when you sleeping together."

"Thanks a lot big mouth." Aaron knew his boyfriend was looking down at him. "I know I never told you that I slept with your sister. It was before I realized I was gay."

"So you had sex with my little sister and then realized you were gay?"

"No, dude. Your sister isn't the one that made him realize that he was gay. That honor goes to my sister, Holly."

"Okay. So you've slept with my sister, your best mates' sister and then you realized you were into guys not girls."

"Actually I knew before I slept with Holly. I just thought that if I slept with a girl, it would change how I felt. It didn't."

"What made you think you were gay if it wasn't sleeping with a girl?" Adam stood up and walked over to where they still stood.

"That would be me Robert." Robert looked at Adam and then Aaron.

"What does he mean Aaron?"

"I mean, I'm the reason he realized he liked guys." Adam laughed at the situation because he knew that Victoria didn't know this story either.

"Have you slept with Aaron?" Victoria asked from her place on the loveseat.

"Hell no!"

"Well, what am I supposed to think when you say that you're the reason?"

"I tried to kiss him one night when we were coming back from Hotten."

"Well, as much fun as this discussion is, Aaron and I have limited time together as it is. I don't want to spend any more of it with the two of you, my sister who took his virginity and his first gay crush. So can y'all leave now?" Robert was frustrated because he and Aaron should have already been naked and recovering from their first round of hot, steamy sex.

"Okay. We get the hint. We're going." Victoria and Adam started for the door but Aaron stopped them before they could leave.

"What are you doing Aaron? I **need** to be alone with you."

"And I **need** to be alone with you but first I want to make sure these two knuckleheads don't say anything to anybody about us. Or would rather take your chances that your gossipy sister won't tell?"

"Fine. Vic, please don't tell."

"We won't say a word to anyone. Your affair is your business. Just don't hurt each other because one you is my brother and the other is one of my best friends."

"I won't hurt him if he doesn't hurt me Vic." Aaron pulled her into his arms for a hug before Robert pulled them both into his arms.

"Well, aren't we one big happy family." Adam said from the doorway. "My future step-brother is dating my girlfriend's brother. Come on Vic." He grabbed her by the hand and left the two men alone.

As soon as Aaron and Robert were alone, Robert turned around to face Aaron. "So, you've slept with my sister, Adam's sister and you tried to kiss him."

"I thought you wanted sex. If you want it now or ever again, from me anyway, then shut up about me trying to kiss Adam. That is in my past. Now can we please go into the bedroom?"

"Okay. Let's go." Robert grabbed Aaron's hand and led him into the bedroom where they started undressing each other.


	5. Chapter 5

**With or Without You**

**Chapter 5**

Aaron hadn't woken up next to another man since him and Ed had split up and he had moved back to the village to help Adam out of his troubles.

He looked over his shoulder to the gorgeous naked blonde laying next to him. Robert was the reason Aaron was glad he had come back when he did.

He couldn't help but stare at Robert's gorgeous features. He never thought after losing Jackson that he would fall in love again but he could feel himself falling deeper and deeper into love with Robert Sugden. The sad thing is that he didn't think Robert felt the same way.

"If you keep staring at me like you are, we're going to have a repeat of last night." Robert opened his eyes slowly and looked at his young lover.

"Do you hear me complaining big man?" Aaron asked as he moved closer to Robert.

He kissed his way down Robert's chest and stomach, stopping at the waist of his briefs. "Oh Aaron. Please don't stop baby." Robert placed his hands on top of Aaron's head as he continued to move down his body.

Aaron pulled his lover's underwear down and wrapped his lips around the head of his dick. He sucked on Robert's hard shaft until he was climaxing in his mouth.

Aaron made his way up to rest beside Robert, licking his body all the way. "I love the taste of your body. I never taste cologne when I lick your skin."

"That's because I don't wear it. What you taste is all me." He pulled Aaron on top of him and started kissing his lover on the lips, tasting his own essence on the young man's lips. "I need you inside me Aaron."

"Are you sure? You are usually the one on top. I love receiving but I'll give if you want me to."

"I need you to do this for me. I want to feel you buried deep inside me, letting me know that you are the only man that will ever get that chance."

"You've been with other blokes before me."

"Yes, I have but none of them have ever topped me. I guess you can say I'm still a virgin when it comes to gay sex."

"Well, I've never been with a virgin before. You'll be my first."

"Can I ask you something personal?"

"Yes."

"How many guys have you been with?"

"I've been with five guys and two girls. How many guys have you been with?"

"You're the fifth guy I've been with but you're different than the others."

"How am I different?" Aaron didn't know if he was going to like Robert's answer but he needed to know anyway.

"You're the only one I've ever spent more than one night with or wanted to." Robert looked down at Aaron, seeing a smile on his face. "Does that make you happy?" he asked his young lover.

"I'm not going to lie to you Robert. It does make me happy. I love the fact that I'm the only man you have ever wanted to be with for more than one night."

Robert pulled Aaron up against his body and kissed him passionately. "Make love to me Aaron. I want to be full of you."

Aaron forced Robert to roll over and then he climbed on top of him. He grabbed the lube and coated his shaft. Then he coated Robert's virgin hole with the lube.

"Remember, it's going to hurt at first but after several minutes, it's going to start feeling good. I promise." He kissed his sexy lover. "By the way, it won't hurt as much as the first time you took me."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you are more well-endowed than I am." Aaron reached down and caressed Robert's erection.

"How about we save the talking for when we're not running out of time in this fancy hotel suite."

"Your wish is my command." Aaron climbed back on top of Robert and started making love to him, enjoying every second he spent inside his sexy lover.

Aaron walked in the back door with Robert following close behind him. He laid his duffel bag on the couch and was fixing to turn around when Robert moved up behind him.

"I wish we were still in Hotten." He said as he lowered his mouth down to Aaron's neck. "You may want to cover up the two large hickeys on your neck before Chaz sees them."

"I wouldn't have to worry about it if you would stop sucking on my neck like you're a vampire and I'm your last meal."

"I can't help it if I love the way you taste. I have to make an appearance at Home Farm before you know who decides to call out the militia to hunt me down."

"Then you better get back to the little woman. I would hate for her to worry about you." Aaron leaned back against Robert and they moaned.

"I'll see you later my little grease monkey." As Robert made his way to the door, Aaron swore that he heard Robert say he loved him but he wasn't sure.


	6. Chapter 6

**With or Without You**

**Chapter 6**

Aaron sat on a barstool waiting for his best mate adam to show up when he spotted Robert and Chrissie walking towards him.

"Hello Aaron." Aaron looked up the second he heard her voice saying his name. "Today I was looking at the guest list and seating chart for the wedding and reception and I noticed that you were not listed on either."

"I didn't receive an invitation for the wedding."

"Well, that is a shame. You have to come to the wedding."

"Chrissie, maybe he doesn't want to attend our wedding." Robert said as he looked over his fiance's head at his lover.

"nonsense Robert. He has to come. He's the reason why I was able to give you such a fabulous wedding present."

"I doubt very seriously he wants to spend his off day with all of us." Robert was right. Aaron did not want to spend his only off day this week watching his gorgeous lover marrying his beautiful fiancé.

"it would be an honor to attend your wedding Chrissie. I will see the two of you tomorrow." He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. "Good day Mr. and Mrs. Sugden." He grinned as he walked past Robert, lightly brushing his arm against robert's arm.

As soon as Aaron made it outside, he leaned against his car and moaned at how wonderful it was to touch Robert's strong arm, even if it was through his shirt and coat.

"hey man. What are you doing waiting for me out here?" he heard Adam's voice.

"he's in there with her and I just can't stand to be in the same room with them when they are all over each other."

"Why do you want him so much? Can't you find some other man to give your sweet lovin' to?"

"I tried but the first guy I tried hooking up with was only interested in women." He wrapped his arm around his best mate and smiled when he looked at him mischeviously.

"Believe this Aaron. I would jump you in a heartbeat if I wanted men but I'm only interested in women."

"How about we stop talking aobut the one's we've loved and let's talk about business?"

"When I started out of the pub earlier, I brushed my arm against his and I thought I was going to melt into a freaking puddle right there in front of him and her."

"I hate to break it to you mate but if you go feeling him up whenever you want, then the misses is going to figure out that you're her fiance's secret lover."

"I know it Adam. I don't want to want him the way I do but I think I have fallen in love with him."

"seriously?"

"Seriously. The way he moans my name when he's deep inside me."

"please stop mate. I don't think I can stand to hear you talk about Robert Sugden plowing you from behind." Aaron laughed at his best mate and the look on his face.

"Considering you are straight, you sure do know a lot about gay sex."

"I don't have to have gay sex in order to know what it takes to have gay sex."

"Does your girlfriend know that you know the ins and outs of gay sex, so to speak?"

"Shut up man. Vic doesn't need to know just what I know."

"What's wrong? Are you afraid that if she finds out that you secretly know about gay sex that she's gonna dump your secretly gay ass in a heartbeat?" Aaron was laughing at his best mate when he spotted his lover walking out of the pub with his fiancé.

Robert kissed Chrissie goodbye just before she climbed inside her car and pulled out of the pub parking lot. Then he walked over to Aaron and Adam, looking directly at Aaron.

"I want you now. Let's go." He grabbed Aaron by the hand and pulled him towards his car.

"What about me Aaron?" Adam asked as his best mate lowered himself into the front seat of the expensive car.

"I'll have him back in about two hours. I can't promise how good he'll be walking or sitting but he'll be here."

"Don't tell my best mate that Bobby." Aaron loved the look on his lover's face when he called him the nickname.

"Okay sweetheart. Let's go. I'm horny and I need you really bad." He kissed Aaron before starting up the car and pulling out of the parking lot.


	7. Chapter 7

I hope you enjoy this chapter. It was a labor of love.

**With or Without You**

**Chapter 7**

"I can't believe you agreed to come to my wedding. Are you insane?" Robert asked as he laid next to Aaron in the king size bed in their secret house that nobody knew anything about.

"Of course I'm insane. I'm sleeping with a bi-sexual man who's engaged to be married to the very woman who asked me to come to their wedding."

"You don't have to come sweetie. I understand how difficult tomorrow is going to be for you anyway without you sitting in the church watching me get married." Robert laced their fingers together and raised Aaron's hand up to his lips.

"Of course tomorrow is going to be hard for me but I want to see you dressed in your tuxedo. I know that you are going to look so sexy."

"Thank you babe." Robert rolled over on top of Aaron and started making love to him for the fourth time in the last two hours. "I love you Aaron. I know that you say you don't care about the money but I do care about it. I want to be able to take care of you. Without marrying her, I'm broke."

"I wish you could be happy with just me. I wish you didn't have to have the money. I wish I was enough."

Aaron pushed Robert off the top of him and climbed from the bed. "Where are you going Aaron?" Robert asked as he watched Aaron get dressed.

"I have decided that since you have such a need for money, then I'm going to find somebody who wants me."

"But I thought you loved me?"

"I do love you Robert. You just don't love me as much as I love you. I'm going to be happy, with or without you." Aaron finished dressing and he left the room, leaving Robert sitting in the middle of their bed, naked and shocked.

Aaron was walking through the pub when he spotted Lawrence White sitting in the corner nurse a glass of white wine. He decided to avoid the older man as much as possible.

Just before he was about to walk into his and his mom's apartment, he heard his name being called.

"Aaron," he slowly turned around to see that he was no longer alone but his daughter and grandson had joined him.

He made his way over to their table, hoping like mad that his lover would not be joining his family for this get together. "Hello Mr. White."

"Please call me Lawrence. We've known each other long enough to be on a first name basis." He stood up and shook Aaron's hand. "Would you like to join us for lunch?" Lawrence asked just as Robert walked through the door and made his way over to them. "Are you here to eat with us today Robert?"

"Of course I am." Robert walked past Aaron, allowing his hand to gently brush against the younger man's hip, hoping that his wife, father-in-law and son-in-law wouldn't notice. "Are you joining us Aaron?"

"Why would I join you for a family meal? I'm not your family." Aaron turned away from them and made his way to his and his mom's apartment.

He walked into the kitchen, grabbed a beer and sat down on the couch. He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, removed his favorite photo from it and started to cry at what he was afraid would never be.

By the time, he finished his beer; he was sleepy and had started to doze off when his mom walked into the room. "Are you going to be okay Aaron?" she asked.

"I have to be mom. He's not my man but hers and it's about time I realize that and move on with my life. I'm going to be okay, with or without Robert Sugden. I have to." He sat his empty beer bottle down and made his way upstairs to cry himself to sleep.

Aaron was lying in bed, dreaming about him and Robert and the life they could have had if Robert had chosen him instead of Chrissie.

"Am I the reason you are crying?" Aaron rolled over as soon as he heard Robert's voice.

"Yes, you are the reason Robert. I am miserable because of you. I want you and I love you but you want her. I thought my world was going to end when I helped Jackson die because I loved him so much. Then Ed came into my life and I thought I had found the perfect mate for me but he wasn't. Then you came along. And at first, I couldn't stand you.

"You were an egotistical, self-centered asshole. You thought because you were marrying money that you were above it all, better than me, a lowly garage mechanic. But when you found out I wasn't after her, you changed. You started making up reasons to get me alone and at first, I didn't want that but then you moved me.

"I couldn't get enough of you, even though you were with somebody else, I wanted you. I had to have you any way I could get you. Now I'm in love with you but all I'm getting from you is heartache. I can't keep doing this to myself. I have to think of me first. I have to move on with my life, with or without you in it." Aaron rolled back over, letting Robert know that he wanted him to leave him alone.

He laid there listening to the man he loved with all of his heart leave his bedroom out the same window he had come in earlier.

Aaron didn't know if he would be able to get on with his life but he had to try because he couldn't keep giving his love and his heart to a man who couldn't give either one back to him.


	8. Chapter 8

**With or Without You**

**Chapter 8**

Robert woke up all alone in the bed he shared with Chrissie. He hated lying to her but he also couldn't tell her that he was in love with a man.

"Robert, you need to get up. I will see you later." He watched as she picked up her purse and walked over to him. "I have a doctor's appointment. Will I see you for lunch?" she asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Sure. Why do you have a doctor's appointment? Are you feeling okay?" he asked, worried about her.

"I've just been feeling sick the last few days. I talked to Dr. Kincaid and he said that the flu is going around so he wants me to come in and have some blood work done."

"Okay."

"So will I see you for lunch or not?" she asked again. He had planned to go by the garage to see Aaron but without a good excuse for the trip to the garage, it might look suspicious.

"Sure, you will." He sat up and kissed her before she left the room. He grabbed his phone off the bedside table and scrolled through the contacts until he found the number he was looking for. Then he typed up a text message and hit the send button.

He sat there waiting for a response but knew after fifteen minutes that he wasn't going to get one so he dialed the number.

"I'm sorry I can't answer my phone at this time. Please leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you."

"Hey. I just wanted to let you know that I miss you so much. Can we meet somewhere, anywhere, after you get off work? I need to see you. Please say yes. Talk to you later." Then he hung up and went to take a shower.

Aaron was working under the hood of a customer's car when he heard his phone ring, alerting him that he had a message.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw that the message was from Robert. He read it twice before he sat down and leaned against the side of the car.

He was typing up a response when his phone rang. Robert's face appeared on the screen and he started to cry. Why did he have to fall in love with the wrong men?

Jackson had been injured in his car wreck, paralyzing him from the waist down, making him wish that he hadn't even lived. Aaron didn't want to help him kill himself but he felt guilty because Jackson had wrecked trying to answer his phone call while driving away after they had argued. He helped him because he loved him and didn't want to see him miserable.

Then he went to France with Ed, thinking that he loved him but he hadn't loved him either. He could finally admit that he had only left Emmerdale with Ed because he was taking the rap for Adam. If he hadn't told the police that he was responsible for the fire at the garage, he probably wouldn't have left with Ed.

Then he had come home and met Robert Sugden, Andy and Victoria's adopted brother. Robert was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Adonis but he was straight, or so Aaron thought.

When Robert pretended to have car trouble and requested Aaron to come fix it, Aaron tried to find the problem but couldn't find anything wrong.

After half an hour under the hood of the car, Aaron told him that he couldn't find anything wrong and Robert finally admitted that he had lied so he could get him alone.

At first, they tussled, and then Robert pushed Aaron up against his tow truck and started kissing Aaron with everything he had in him. But as soon as Aaron started to remove Robert's coat, Robert stopped him, saying he was making a mistake.

The first time they had sex, which happened in the garage in a customer's car, Aaron referred to Robert as being gay but he denied being gay. He said his was straight and this little tryst was a one-off.

But something deep inside of Aaron was already falling in love with Robert, even if he probably would never admit he was feeling the same way.

Aaron dialed his voicemail and listened to Robert's voice. He wanted to call him back and say yes he would love to hook up but he was tired of being Robert's booty call. He wanted someone who might one day walk through the village holding his hand.

He pulled up his message screen, typed up the following message and hit the send button. "Robert, a huge part of me wants to scream to the top of my lungs, hell yeah I want to get with you after work, but I know I don't need to keep up this charade. I'm tired of being used by you. I will never have you completely. I want someone who can give me his heart, body and soul. You're not him and I'm beginning to learn that it's okay. I want you to forget about me and have a happy life with Chrissie. Just know that I will always love you. Goodbye."

Aaron turned off his phone and slid in back into his pants pocket before returning to work. He had no desire to talk with Robert. He just hoped like hell he didn't show up at the garage.


End file.
